Wishy Washy

Decided to just start a new blog that will be the "journal" one. This blog will stay the same with pics of kids and updates. I am still planning on making it private though. ;) I'll be sure to send you all the link to the new "Lena" blog.

Gotta keep it real folks

Hey, so I have decided to make my blog private. I just feel like I have to hold back with what I REALLY want to write. And I really enjoy using this blog as a journal for myself. So if you are interested in reading about the more "intimate" details of my life, feel free to send me your email address. If you would rather not hear about my life that way, then DON'T tell me you want an invite to read my blog. :) I will be starting another blog to put up pics of the kids, updates, etc.

Peace out. ;)

The new house...

The pictures are probably really out of order...but we love our new house! Lots of little things that we want to change and we are just enjoying make this home "ours". This weekend Jake is converting one of the spare bedrooms into our Laundry/Food Storage room. I'm so happy...California has a weird thing about keeping the washer and dryer hooked up in the garage....I mean, really....the garage?!! Garage is for dirty tools and cars...NOT clothes! So it will be nice to have the indoor laundry room. Then I think our next BIG project will be re-finishing the kitchen cabinets. I actually don't mind the white that they are now...but we peeled back some of the paint and saw what a gorgeous wood they are underneath! I can't resist but to re-finish them!! It's been a while since I have re-finished any furniture (2 years) and so I'm really excited to get back in the game! :) I'm going to strip all the white and pink...yes, PINK! paint and then stain and gloss the natural wood.

Our current dilemma is where to put our huge tv! The "designated family room" is the area next to the kitchen, but I want that area to be the dining room in the near future. So we are kinda stuck with having the only option be in the master bedroom. Which also brings us to another project we want to do soon...putting tile in the "family room" are to convert it to our dining room. Luckily, I know how to tile! Yes! My mom and I tiled her whole kitchen and dining room when they were building the house. So we'll rip out the carpet and lay some tile and then put our new gigantic table there (that Jake will be building....right, Jake??).

And then there is the yard! Front yard is green...but don't be mistaken...it is 90% all weeds. :) So in October (once it cools off) we are taking out the weeds, maybe bringing in top soil and seeding the front lawn. We are also taking out the tree that is in the corner of the house (it's roots are bringing up the sidewalk and could ruin the foundation also). The backyard will have a cement patio and then a little bit of grass and then some rubber mats on the side yard for the kids' play set. Exciting huh?!?! I am stoked! It's so much fun to have all these projects to keep us busy each weekend...we are really enjoying it.

Sicker than a dog

I've been sick with pneumonia for the past week now....it just won't go away!! Luckily, I have fabulous friends who watch my kids and bring me dinner. It was really hard the first few days of being this sick...It makes me miss my Madre! The last time I was this sick was when we moved here from Utah...it was the worst move ever. But I had my Mom with me the whole time and man was she a lifesaver! It's definitely an adjustment to not having her so close. I wake up and feel fine, but then I do too much and end up bed ridden for the rest of the day. And not to mention that the antibiotics give me a serious stomach ache! Bleh. My inhaler seems to help with the breathing and hopefully this lingering infection in my lungs will soon pass.

Lots of things on my mind the past few weeks...I'm sure this has something to do with me getting sick too. We were supposed to close on the house last Friday but it has now been pushed to tomorrow or Thursday. Which sucks. I'm starting classes again in almost 2 weeks, I'm trying to get my little "toddler time" program going with the city and continuing to move forward on the adoption/foster care process. Lots to do. Although I love keeping busy...it sure does wear on you with two little munchkins to chase around!

Favorite Quotes By: Emerald

"Mom, the sun is in my eyes. Can you move it?!?"

"Oh thanks Mom...you saved my life!!!"

"Dear Heaven Fawder, thank you we go church today..." (beginning of EVERY prayer she says)

Baby #3!

This picture is of EMERALD...NOT baby #3. :)

Today was our first "semi" class to begin the adoption process. We have filled out the application and will start our official training next Saturday for the next 4-5 weekends. The classes are all in Los Angeles...so we may have to make a pit stop to the beach also. ;) I have been ignoring and pushing the promptings away that I have felt so strongly from the Lord since we have moved here. Once my life is in order and I find time to take up hobbies...the Lord tells me it's time to have another child! :) Always seems to work that way...

After having Charlie, I was "strongly advised" from my doctor to NOT have any more children. And strange as it is, I wasn't very upset by that. I knew that there is a baby #3 that belongs in our family...whether I give birth to that baby or not. I guess I should start at the beginning...sigh...here we go...

So with Emerald I had gotten very high blood pressure and was put on bed rest for about 8-10 weeks. Well, I didn't really do the whole "bed rest" thing exactly the way I should have... ;) Emerald ended up coming 3 weeks early and with only a 4 hour labor and delivery! It was fabulous...piece of cake!! :) My protein levels were high and both Emerald and I were at high risk. I had gotten toxemia and my blood pressure sky rocketed! With Toxemia, your body thinks of the baby as a foreign object and tries to kill it. So luckily Emerald was out fast. After that, everything was pretty much a blur. I remember how tiny she was when she was born...only 5 pounds! I will never forget the look on my doctor's face after the placenta came out. My heart stopped. He was so shocked and confused. My placenta was tiny (less than half the size it should have been) and hard and crusted over on one side. Emerald was losing her nutrients and therefore, wasn't able to grow. They ended up keeping my placenta for a bit to run tests and things. They had no idea that was going on in my body and it should have shown up on all the blasted tests they did on me before delivering Emerald! ;)

I felt fabulous after giving birth! I didn't tear at all and no stretch marks! YESSSS! I was put on Magnesium right after I delivered Emerald to help stabilize my blood pressure so I wouldn't have a stroke or heart attack because it was getting so high. The magnesium makes you feel like crap. So that was a bummer...and my blood pressure was so high that I was told to sleep all day, I couldn't breast feed or bottle feed Emerald (it was too stressful apparently) and I had to keep the room dark. Basically just had to CHILL to get that blood pressure down. I remember having the "baby blues" so bad during that hospital stay. I hardly ever got to see little Emerald and they kicked Jacob out of my room so that I could rest. I was given sleeping pills to make sure I didn't wake up to feed the baby and Jacob fed Emerald every 3 hours ALL day and ALL night while we were in the hospital. I was so emotional. It was like having this part of me just taken away. I went through A LOT of hell during those 9 months!! (I lost weight, multiple ER visits, depression) It was hard to have nurses tell me that I couldn't take care of my new little baby.

Anyway, when we came home, I was not to have visitors, had to keep the house quiet and dark, and couldn't feed the baby much on my own. It was a very difficult time. I was adjusting to being a mommy but at the same time trying to recover from this high blood pressure. I was so mentally exhausted from people being so worried and telling me all these things I COULDN'T do. I was put on some "water pills" and after about 2 weeks my blood pressure was down to normal! This is the story of Emerald's birth...and I've actually never written it down. It is very draining.

Charlie's birth was even WORSE. I don't think I'm up for that much tonight. :) To make a long story short, pregnancy and delivery is very hard on my body and so I am told not to take that risk again and at the same time, I want to be cautious and safe. But I know baby #3 is waiting. I've always had the idea of adoption in the back of my mind...I want a black baby soooo bad! :) So maybe baby #3 will be adopted or maybe I can put my trust and faith in the Lord that I can give birth to baby #3. We are starting with the adoption choice and seeing how that works out. I'm really excited!

The past little while the adoption agency has been receiving calls from the hospitals for newborns that need to be placed in a home right away. And they have to turn them down because all the houses that take in foster children are full! We have high hopes to get a little baby soon after the training is finished and we get the home inspection passed! I guess I will need to write Charlie's birth story some time, so hopefully I can get that done tomorrow. It's taken me like 1.5 hours to write this post...sheesh...I'm pooped! Good night Journal! ( and any other fellow readers...) :)

Blah

My main reason for starting a blog was to have a more organized way of keeping track of all the blogs I like to read (crafts and so on). And then I was sold on the idea that it is such a good way to keep a journal. I know you can print out all your posts and such and make them into a type of "scrapbook". And I hope to do that someday...But it seems that "blogging" for me has been more of "updating" people what is going on with our family and it's mainly just what is going on with our KIDS. When I used to write in my journal (pen and paper...so 2009, I know), I would write more about feelings and daily things that I wanted to remember. I would also do a lot of writing about people who seriously bugged the crap out of me. :) So I've decided to really start "journal writing" and not just "blogging". And I wanted to apologize to anyone who may read my posts and get offended...but then I thought, "why should I apologize for someone reading MY journal entry?!?" So...tough shit if you get offended. LOL. I may just end up going private...except not letting anyone but me have access to the blog....we will see.

On to the journal writing!

Recently Jake and I have been butting heads on a few particular issues. Issue #1: Housework. Since I am a SAHM, I feel the responsibility to keep the house clean, feed the children, and cook dinner. But if I do all that, then what does Jake do to help out? Yes, he definitely brings home the bacon...pretty damn good bacon...but is that enough? Is it wrong to have him do "chores" and to help out around the house too? On one hand I think, HECK YEAH he should do chores around the house, I suffered all day with screaming kids and wiping butts! But then on the other hand, I think, Jake really does a lot to make sure we are provided for and frankly, some days (ok, most days), I sit around and do NOTHING. The joys of being a SAHM. :) I can decide if I want to shower at 8am or at 2pm after watching all the latest episodes of Grey's Anatomy. I can wear pj's all dang day and watch movies and go to the store whenever I want and the list goes on.... Since we've moved to Cali, my perspective has changed a lot on being a SAHM. Living in Logan, I dreaded waking up each day...I hated always picking up the house and doing the same crap. But then I realized...I can choose whether or not I want to do all that crap! I love it! Who says that I have to do the dishes? Or wash loads and loads of laundry? I can choose what I want to do everyday!! It's wonderful! Somedays Jake will come home and say, "what did you do all day??" And I simply reply, "absolutely nothing."

Well, now both my kids are sleeping...at the same time (which is rare). So I'm wrapping this up for now and will write some more thoughts later. :) Peace out Journal.